Is your autopilot mode ON?

When we are on autopilot, we allow ourselves to go through each day as a passenger. We might recognize some unhealthy patterns in our relationship, but for some reason, these patterns just keep repeating themselves.

When we are on autopilot, it might look like this:

Not paying attention to our surroundings
Always trying to do the next thing
Neglecting our own feelings
Reacting to situations without thinking
Conflicts get escalated without knowing why

Next time when you find yourself in a familiar pattern with your partner again (e.g. fighting over household chores, arguing about in-laws etc.), try switching OFF your autopilot mode. Become more engaged in the process by observing what’s happening within you and around you.

If your partner says something that you don’t like, don’t instantly snap back or pull back. If you are feeling angry, take a moment to listen to your anger. What is your anger trying to tell you? Is it really about the dirty dishes or is there something more to it?

Think about how you typically react in these situations. How does your partner then react to your reaction? It takes two to tango, so what do the escalation steps look like? If you know your typical reactions, can you have some fun with it and think about how you can respond differently this time to break the usual pattern?

Switching off our autopilot mode takes effort, but it gives us so much more power in choosing how we want to show up in our relationship.