Choosing to be together

“The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don’t want to” – Harriet Lerner

“Don’t want to” are very powerful words. It means that we have a choice. We CHOOSE to be in a relationship, not because we NEED to be in one. As long as we have the fear that we can’t make it on our own and that we can’t lose our partner, we would try to preserve the relationship at all costs.

This might look like:

• Not voicing our concerns or addressing problems that are important to us
• Accepting behaviors that we don’t actually find acceptable to maintain the peace
• Always adjusting ourselves to please our partner
• Making the same complaints over and over again but do not hold our partner accountable (e.g. our words are not aligned with our actions)

When we feel we have a choice, how we show up in the relationship will be more aligned with who we truly are at the core, and our relationship will become more solid as a result.