We don’t need to be the same to be close

When we think of being close to our partner, we often associate it with having a lot of things in common with each other. Maybe it’s having the same interests, seeing things in the same perspective or striving for the same goals.

The assumption is that the more similar we are with each other, the less arguments we would have, and therefore, the closer we would feel in the relationship. Hence, we often end up trying to change our partner (perhaps unconsciously) by telling them what they should or should not do, so that we could become more alike.

However, real closeness is not about being the same, it’s about having that openness between the two different individuals. As described by Ron Richardson, closeness in a relationship looks like this:

“I can tell you who I am, what I think, feel, believe, want to do, and have done, without getting anxious or worrying about what you may think about what I have told you, even if I believe you disagree with me and disapprove. You would reciprocate with the same kind of openness, and I could listen to you and not feel the need to change you to be more like how I want you to be.”

Having differences in a relationship is normal; being able to appreciate these differences and manage them effectively is what brings two people closer.