Can I (truly) change a person?

Recently, my husband asked me this question, “Do you think we can change another person?” And I thought for a moment.

I think realistically, we can. We see it happen all the time. A husband doesn’t go out with his friends because he doesn’t want to upset his wife. A wife doesn’t dress in a certain way because she knows her husband wouldn’t like it.

But if we change the question to, “Do you think we can TRULY change another person?” Then my answer would be no.

We can make someone change by nagging, getting upset, scolding or even threatening them. While they might change their behaviour, we can never make them change willingly. Those changes will only last until resentment, frustration and conflicts start surfacing.

Change needs to come from within. And that’s why I believe there is so much more value for us to manage our own reactivity than trying to change another person.

I’m curious to know what you think! Do you agree or disagree?