Are you an overfunctioner in the relationship?

Are you an overfunctioner in the relationship?

Do you feel like you are always responsible for everything? Do you often wish that your partner could do more? Are you feeling tired of always having to pick up their slack? If so, you might be the overfunctioner in the relationship.

The dynamic of over/underfunctioning in a relationship is reciprocal. This means an underfunctioner allows their partner to overfunction for them just as much as an overfunctioner allows their partner to underfunction in the relationship. BOTH play a part in maintaining this dynamic.

Unfortunately, an underfunctioner typically doesn’t step up to take responsibility until the overfunctioner steps down. So if you happen to be the overfunctioner in the relationship and would like your partner to step up, then it might be important to first ask yourself the following…

How much am I willing to step down and let them manage themselves even if this means...

  • It’s easier for me to just do it for them
  • Things might not result in the way that I like them to be
  • I would feel anxious

Remember, one can only step up as much as one can step down. Try it out and see if you can break the cycle! It will probably take some time and you might feel worse before you feel better. However, if you can trust the reciprocal nature of a relationship and just focus on changing your own functioning, you will eventually see a difference.

Until next time!

Couples On The Road


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