Marriage is the union of two family systems

Does any of the following sound familiar to you?

• “Why does your mom have to call you every day?”
• “I would never parent my kids like the way my parents did!”
• “Do we have to spend the holidays with your relatives?”
• “Please don’t ever mention about my brother, I don’t want to hear about this guy!”
• “My dad would fix everything in the house. How come you are not like that?”

As much as we like to think that marriage is only about the two people involved, it’s really not.

When we get married, we bring all our experiences, our beliefs, our feelings, our expectations, our baggage, our family patterns and any unresolved tension into it.

While our family members might not be physically involved, they will continue to have an impact on the way we experience our marriage. Our emotions can often get triggered and those underlying patterns can emerge in the new family that we create.

When you marry each other, you are really marrying two family systems.  As you navigate your life as a married couple, try and zoom out and see what each of you are bringing into the relationship.